we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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