they need to just BURY HIM!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
