she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
