So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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