plz talk dirty to me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
