How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
