About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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