I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
