I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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