I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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