6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
