I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
