sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
