It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
