I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
