Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
