I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
