In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
