sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
