Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
