From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
