i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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