these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
