is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
