Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
