I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
