my phone needs a breathalizer
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
