I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
