dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I want a musical about memes.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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