Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
