We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
