My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
