and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
