im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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