She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
