you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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