Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
