The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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