Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
