You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
