That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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