As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
