so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
