I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I want to fling myself into the sun
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
