the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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