are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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