The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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