just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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