saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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