my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
