The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You took a bar mat shot.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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