brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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