also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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