If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
