Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
